The episode at Mysteryland planted the seed in my heart, but it hadn’t quite germinated and grown yet. My lifestyle didn’t change at all, and at that point I had attributed all the visions purely to the effect of the drugs and my own imagination.
If there was a festival for a seed to grow at, however, it would be Electric Forest, a US music and arts festival far out into the woodlands of Michigan. One month after MysteryLand, It would be my home for four nights in late June.
I was still using drugs in a vain attempt to look for happiness, though I planned to take it in much more controlled doses. I didn’t want to fall into the cracks of a bent and fractured reality again.
Electric Forest was more intimate in that the music stages were too far from our campsite, so I had the liberty to go out and about on my own throughout the day and not feel feel pressured to stay with the group. This afforded me the opportunity to really walk in the woods and have uninterrupted time to think. I didn’t want to arouse their concern anyway. My intense thinking drew too much attention last time.
I watched an artist I had become a fan of during college: Trevor Hall. His lyrics and words really helped turned me towards an introspective mindset. He was onto something.
Thoughts started to flow through my mind. Questions like, “What’s my purpose in life?” “What is evil?” “Why do people do what they do?” I typed notes feverishly on my iPhone for hours as my brain was brimming over with thoughts and ideas.
An excerpt of what I wrote was:
I’m here to serve others. Find my passion and use that to enrich the lives of others.
Take things easy. Be productive and fruitful, and move about this life with care and precision but don’t burn yourself out and stress out.
Sleep plenty to rest the body and mind, and the soul will be healthy.
I was peeling back layers but still felt like I was missing the mark on some of my writings, and was trying to fill an emptiness that persisted. What was I missing?